a little island humour

Levi's first rule of tropical hotels with low ceilings: 1. Don't take your shirt off directly below the ceiling fan. Top pickup lines used by dive-masters in training who are really doing it to pick up chicks (invented by me, based on observations of a couple such guys): 1. Have you ever seen a whale shark? I've seen many. 2. What's your bottom time? 3. I ate an apple too, while diving off the coast of Tanzania last year. 4. I'm from Canada. I've caught many steelhead in the wild rivers of British Columbia. 5. Can I play with your hair? Oops, I was already. 6. Here, let me adjust your BCD for you. 7. Puedo hablar 7 palabras de español, bebe. 8. Baby, you and I could make beautiful waves together. 9. Since I'll be here for 6 weeks becoming a dive master, I've got my own apartment and a motorbike. Want to see them? 10. Did I already mention I'm becoming a dive master? 11. woman in bar: Are you here alone, or don't you have any friends? divemaster in training: I'm here with you. (I actually witnessed this one) 12. This time next year, let's be laughing together. (The ultimate chat-up line, devised by a panel in Japan after painstaking psychological research. The phrase is meant to imply commitment and mutual enjoyment. The Times, London, 1 November. Thanks for passing this one along, Olivia)